Role Players Collection

Reclaimation

Alternate Reality

London

On Tour

|

Shadow Mage

|

Still Children

|

The New Kingdom

31 August 2005
Written by Jak
Timeline: Between Missing Mile and Dances of Demons & Angels

London

He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness. The bed beside him empty save for the spare hotel pillow. He turned on his side, pulling the covers to his chin as that all to familiar voice came like a whispered hiss through the static of the radio on the bedside table.

How long ago since he'd had one of these sleepless nights? Laying awake, thinking of dark times past.

Sometime during the night, he found peace enough to sleep. But when he woke to the sound of the alarm blasting beside his ears, he felt more tired than he had the night before. Sluggishly he moved, sitting up in the bed.

Hands searched for the case that held within it his glasses. He knocked the clock to the floor, and by accident spilled a watered down glass of scotch on the white carpet. He bent down to pick up the clock. 8:13 in the morning. A yawn escaped him as he opened the blue glasses case. Long fingers pulled out silver frames. He hooked them around his ears and rose, wet carpet squishing between his toes.

He was standing at the dressing table when there came a soft knock at the door before it opened slowly. "Gomen, oniisan, but Phillipe says he needs you right away."

"Tell him I'm in the shower," he said, raking a hand through hair only recently colored black.

"I tried that already. He won't buy it. Hurry up and get dressed. I'll try to stall him a bit longer."

The door closed, taking the blue haired young man with it. He sat down on the small chair before the mirror, his pale face staring back at him. He felt as if he'd been punched in the gut, the contents of his stomach from the night before wanting to become flying projectiles landing in the porcelin god of the water closet just adjacent to the bedroom.

He held his forhead in his hand, his elbow resting on the table. Black tendrils framed his downturned face as he sighed, clenching his teeth against the pain. At last, he grit his teeth and rose, moving to the suitcase in a chair by the door.

After a few moments more, he was strapping on his boots and out the door, locking it behind him. The blue haired young man was in the hall, arguing with another man in his middle age. His voice had in it a thick French accent, his words laced with the tone of snobbishness that only the French were capable of.

"What's all the hubub, bub?" he said, forcing himself to smile with a cigarette caught between his lips. He lit it while waiting the reply.

It was the usual. He'd overslept. Set them behind scheduel by half a day. The costumes for the promotional hadn't arrived, and the manager was in a panic, his only option being to look to his biggest star for an answer.

Blue painted nails brushed back black locks, tucking them behind the right ear, a half inch spacer in the lobe and a cuff on the cartiledge. He blew a smoke ring in the air, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and stepped into the elevator. "Call me when you grow a pair," he mumbled, pressing the button for the ground floor with his elbow.

The manager, Phillipe, and the young man with blue hair stood watching him as he departed.

He lean back against the rail in the left corner, watching the numbers change on the digital floor counter above the buttons. After beginning a second cigarette, he began to feel better, only a little.

He sighed, a cloud of smoke rising from his lips. For a moment, he thought he saw two eyes in them, staring back like a willowy spectre. Idly, his thumb rubbed the back of the golden band on the ring finger of his left hand. He hadn't noticed what he was doing until the woman in the shaft with him commented on it.

"Yes," he replied to her question of was he married.

She gave him a knowing smile. Did she recognize him from the bilboard outside? From last month's covers of Vanity Fair and Smithsonian? Did it really matter? "She must be a lucky young woman," she said at last with a nod.

"Yeah..." he said softly, then added internally, "But I'll bet he don't see it that way."

He came out of the hotel to find the limozine waiting for him. His brother had probably called ahead. He waved the driver off before turning, starting down the sidewalk. He needed to think. The best way to do that was to loose himself in a crowd. Any crowd, going in any direction. He didn't care really.

After an hour, he felt the urge to stop. With half his last cigarette left, he stepped into a store. The temperature was nice, a few degrees lower than it was outside on the street. "Hello!" came a cheerful voice in the back. "Be right with you!"

He pushed up his glasses, taking a look around. He didn't even bother to look in the windows to see what the store sold before coming in. It was only now he noticed it sold crystal figurines.

He was looking at a unicorn made of rose quartz when the woman who ran the store rushed up to him. "Are you being served?"

"I'm fine, thank you," he said, gently picking up the figurine.

He turned it over and over in his hands, feeling the weight, the texture of the fine cut stone. There was a small crack in the base. He set it down and looked at another.

"Sir, there's no smoking in the store sir," the other woman, the one who had called out in greeting when he'd entered, said.

He glanced over his shoulder at her, and her eyes went wide. "Oh, I'm so sorry sir! I had no idea you were-"

"It's okay," he said monotonously, taking it out of his mouth and puting it out between his fingers. "Do you sell jewelry?" he asked suddenly.

The girl nodded as the older woman was tending another customer. "Right this way Mr. Pike," she said smiling, leading him to a seperate room. Necklaces dangled from the wall, rings on chains hung from the ceiling.

But it was not these free for all pieces that interrested him. His attention was transfixed on the glass case at the far end. He stood, his hands on the glass, looking down at the glittering diamonds. "That one," he said suddenly, pointing down at an elegant golden chain boasting a pendant of a ruby dragon.

"I am sorry sir, but that is not for sale. That is display only. If you like, we will be more than happy to order-"

"No. It's alright," he said, looking over the case once more before smiling. "What about that there, in the center."

"Ah. That is a popular one, but many cannot afford to keep it. It's been returned twelve times already."

"I don't care. I want it."

The girl nodded, taking her keys and opening the case. "Anything else?" she asked. He nodded, pointing to a set of crystal figurines. A pink unicorn and a blue chinese dragon. "Would it be possible to have all this gift wrapped?"

"Normally, no. But, for you Mr. Pike, anything."

He smiled. When he left the store, a bike messenger had been sent with his purchases to the hotel. He'd wanted to take them himself, but with a purchase that large, it was store policy to handle everything, for insurance reasons of course. He'd signed the waiver, and was on his way.

Phillipe called to tell him he'd figured out what to do. A limo was waiting for him at the end of the street, ready to take him to the shoot.

One of the photographers he'd met at the refreshment table had an intriguing pendant. He bought it from the guy for $300 cash... whatever that amounted to in pounds, he could have cared less.

The remainder of the day had been hectic. An interview and lunch with a representative from some gothic magazine. A conversation with a museum curator over the new exhibit to be shown in some place in western Europe. A second photo shoot for Fangoria magazine. And finally a ride-along-tour of London with the local fanclub.

He didn't get back to his room until late. When he finally hit the bed, it was twelve past one.

He now lay awake, his stomach knotted, staring up at the ceiling once more. What was it causing this agonizing pain in his abdomen? His appetite was lost completely before lunch, and he'd only picked at his salad to keep up the illusion that he was actually eating.

His limbs were heavy, his mind clear save for the few thoughts that never left him.

He found himself calling home on his cell around seven, the morning sun just beginning to peek in through the window. He was not caring about the roaming charges. The voice on the other end sounded almost as tired as he did. What time was it over there? Eight hours behind?

He mentally counted off the hours and minutes he guess would be correct. No, more than eight hours... much more. He'd forgotten he was calling to a place on the west coast, not the east. He gave up trying to figure out the time difference.

"Hello?" the voice asked a second time when he did not answer.

"Hey babe," he said, holding the phone to his ear, his elbow in the air. He stared up at the lightening ceiling with a smile. It was so good to hear that voice again.

"Oh, hey. How's everything?"

"Hell, as usual," he said, running a hand through his hair with a yawn. "What are you wearing?"

"What kind of a stupid question is that?"

"One to cheer me up," he said.

"What's wrong now?"

"I'm not feeling well... I can't fuckin sleep, and to top it off, this bed his hard as a rock."

"Yeah, glad you miss me too," the other mumbled.

"Sorry... I just got caught up in the-"

"When are you coming home?" the other asked suddenly.

He didn't answer for a long while, his biological clock chose that time to begin slipping in and out of consciousness. After a moment, he opened his eyes. "Lemme talk to the kid," he said.

The voice on the other end sighed, and he could hear him call out the child's name.

He talked with the child a while, then hung up, at last falling into slumber.

He woke later in the morning, having caught only a few hours sleep before rising to vomit in the water closet. He was on his knees, black hair with burgondy roots streaming down, brushing the toilet seat as firehouse red ran like a waterfall from his open lips.

At last, he wiped his mouth and lifted a shakey hand to the handle dangling from the ceiling on a chain. He yanked it down and collapsed on the floor, his back against the frosted orange glass of the shower door. He gasped for air, his bare chest soaked with sweat. He held his stomach, eyes clenched shut as he moved to lay on the soft deerskin rug spread across the cold marble tiles.

The violent sickness had been brought about by a dream. A simple, not unusual dream. He'd dreamt of that place, tucked back in the middle of nowhere, across the big pond of the Atlantic. He'd dreamed of his lover, curled up on the dirty matress beside him, their bodies fitting together like a jigsaw puzzle. The space behind his eyes throbbed as the gruesome images forced their way back into his thoughts.

Misery, agony, fear, death. The man in his dream, the man he loved with all his dark heart, was all of these things. He stank of these things. The stench so powerful that it had turned him into a walking vomit machine. Now, that he was for a time free of the smell, his body set to work in self-purification. Purging itself of the vile fluids that it had taken in. Washing his very soul of the filth that clung to it masked as the harmless emotion of love.

The door opened, and he was again bent over the toilet, his face splattered by the soupy red broth that hit the water below.

"Oh god!" the young man shrieked, ripping a towel from the wall.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his head turning to look at him with weary, sleepless eyes that seemed to say "help me" unintentionally.

Again he was sitting with his arms enfolding his stomach, his back against the glass. The young man knelt beside him, wiping his face with the end of the towel. "Oniisan, I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No," he said, yanking the towel away. He wiped at his mouth, scrubbing until the red of his lips was like a stoplight in the street. "I'll be fine. It's just my ulcer," he said. The other looked doubtful. "I'll be alright. I just ate some spicy noodles before I went to sleep. That's all."

The look on the other's face expressed more than his words. He was clearly still worried, and his eyes said he'd rather take him to the hospital. "You've got a weak constitution. You should know better than to-"

"I know. Help me up. I need a shower," he said.

When he was on his feet, he opened the shower door and turned on the water, standing there and waiting for it to heat up. "Do you want me to call J-"

"No. He's got more important things to worry about." He turned his back to the young man, stripping out of his shorts and stepping into the scolding hot water. "Can you lay out some clothes? I'd like to get the contract mess sorted through before we leave."

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"

He reached for the bottle of Herbal Essences, lavender scented, and lathered his hair. "I'm sure. Can you have room service send up a bowl of hot potato soup too? I'm feeling a bit hungry." It was a lie, of course. His appetite, he believed, would take much longer to return. But if he hadn't said anything, the other might become more suspicious.

When he'd cleaned up, stepping out of the water closet with a towel draped over his head and another wrapped around his middle, he found his manager sitting in the chair by the door with a tabloid in his hands. "You're doing it again," he said.

"Doing what?" he replied, towel drying his hair before reaching for the tight back shirt on the bed. A black and white picture of Buddy Holly was pulled down to cover his thin abdomen. He dropped the towel and slipped on a pair of shorts before pulling on his jeans.

"You're putting too much stress on yourself. You need to take a break. I can't afford to have you suddenly dissapear in the middle of another tour."

"I told you. That was a family emergency."

"I don't think your son's first school play qualifies as an emergency."

He sighed, their argument taking up the remainder of the hour before they were carted across the city in a limozine. He hated riding in those damned cars. Big and roomy, a refridgerator stocked with booze. A television and Playstation 2 hooked up behind the driver's seat.

He preferred the tight space of the black Diablo, or the rush of wind on his hog back home. Hell, even the rough ride in the back of the 1973 Ford truck with the mismatched doors and puke green hood.

The contract meeting did not take as long as he'd imagined. Sign on the dotted line. Initial here. Sign over your soul in blood here, here, and here at the bottom. He'd read every paper carefully, and even sat down at a typwriter and completely rewritten one himself before he'd even consider signing his life away for another 4 years.

He stopped just before boarding the plane back to America. He called home long enough to talk to his son, tell him he was going to be home the following day.

The entire flight, he sat alone. He'd purposely bought the seat beside him to ensure that no one had the opportunity to destroy his peaceful rest. He held in his hands the necklace and pendant he'd bought off the photographer. He stared down at the dragon, its black diamond eyes seeming to stare straight back at him, down into his soul. Like those two pools of nothingness that awaited his arrival home.

He remembered what the young man had said when he'd accepted the money. It was a family heirloom, supposedly. His grandfather had found it while vacationing in America one summer. He'd bought it from a woman selling roses at a stand by the side of the road. Supposedly, it was cursed, but the young man had said it was probably a hoax, since nothing bad had actually happened to anyone of his family who possessed it.

After leaving the shoot that day, he'd stopped by a jeweler to have it engraved on the back. He read the words now with a faint smile.

"To my moron," the young man with blue hair read aloud.

He quickly covered the pendant and held it to his chest. "Don't read over my shoulder."

"Sorry," he said. "I just wanted to know if you're hungry. The stewardess is gonna be coming by soon."

"Maybe just a small salad," he replied, picking up the black velvet box he'd bought for the gift. He opened it and placed the pendant and chain inside, his fingers tracing over the curved body of the dragon. This sent unpleasant chills down his spine, and he quickly snapped the box closed.

He spent the remainder of the flight drifting between sleep and wakefulness. Soon, he thought, he'd be sleeping in his own bed, with his own pillows. Curled up beside the biggest moron in the world.

He smiled, despite the rising pains in his gut that the thoughts brought back to him. Before landing, a single feeling gnawed at him. Chewing away at the back of his mind. So small, so tiny, that he didn't even notice.

It was only after he had gotten home that he came to know it for what it truly was. Something was going to happen, soon. Something terrible. Something to someone close to his heart. He stood on his front porch, taking in a deep breath as the taxi drove off into the night. He pasted on his best smile, and opened the door. A young boy leaped up into his arms with a laugh.

"Presents!" the boy shouted.

"Tomorrow," he replied. "I'm really tired right now." He set the boy back down on the carpet. He stood straight, his back popping. He looked up to see a man standing with his shoulder pressed against the wall at the hall entrance. His blue hair done in cornrows, his deep black eyes watching closely.

One thought crossed his mind in the few seconds before the man spoke. Somewhere, in his mind, he knew... he knew that feeling... the ripping of his guts and the throbbing behind his eyes... the coppery taste of his own blood as he spewed it forth into the porcelin god... the dream... the dream of misery, agony, fear, and finally death.

He knew now the cause of his pain. But he would not accept it. He convinced himself that he was wrong. He forced himself to ignore the feeling of his body being torn apart by hands he knew so well.

"You've changed your hair," he said.

"Yeah... well... I had a photo shoot to do for this one goth thing and it just seemed like a good idea." He tossed his coat over the back of the brown recliner with another fake smile.

~Fin~

31 January 2004
Revision 15 July 2005
Timeline: Takes place between Demons & Angels chapters 19 and 20 on an alternate timeline in which both Joe and Tempest are alive and Temmothy has adopted one of Joe's children.

Still Children: An Alexia & Astarte Story

"Astarte... they'll know."

"No one will ever know Lex..." he whispered as he pushed her gently to the bed. "Trust me. Dad's in Greece, Joe's with him...Mig's in L.A. with Sei... No one will be home until Sunday..."

"Star, stop it. I don't want to do this..." she said, trying to push him off her.

"C'mon Lex... don't be scared. I'll be gentle..." he whispered in her ear as he cupped her breast beneath her shirt, firm and young. His long digits squeezed her nipple as crimson tiers nipped at her ruby lips. "You said this is what you wanted for your bithday..."

The look in her eyes was so shocked, but mostly scared; fear of what could happen, of the trouble she'd be in if her parents found out...

He pressed his pelvis against hers, rubbing his bulge against her as a hand reached up to slide across his flat abdomen. He wasn't as built up as his father, but he was strong nevertheless, holding her like this on his father's very bed.

He kissed her deeply, exploring her mouth with his tongue until he was satisfied with every nook, every pocket as his hand left her breast to fondle her folds through her dampened jeans. She shuddered under him with joy as he pressed harder against her, his strokes moving faster with each passing second.

Her breaths came with soft pants of praise as she rocked her head from side to side, eyes only half lidded as she parted her legs further to press back against his hand.

He crawled up her thin body, his hand never leaving her wet crotch as he rocked against her. "You want more Lex?"

"Yes," she shuddered.

"You love me?" he asked, pushing harder.

"Yes," she panted in his ear.

"Will you beg?"

"Oh god yes! Yes!" she screamed.

"Beg me to crawl inside you..." he whispered close to her ear as he felt her spasm beneath him. She screamed next to his head in tongues so old she probably didn't know she knew them...

He pulled his hand back and held it to his face, sniffing a moment before lashing out his tongue. "Sweet. Sweeter than I thought..." he said to himself before pushing himself off her, reaching that same hand into his back pocket for his wallet.

She stared up at him, the fear in her eyes replaced by the need for his touch, the lust of his lips on her flesh. He slipped his hands into a hidden pocket and pulled out a small green wrapper, tearing it open with his teeth while using his free hand to unfasten his jeans.

Quickly she got the idea and started fumbling with the buttons of her blouse, then tugging at her capris.

He shimmied out of his clothes and kicked them off to the side, dropping his wallet and the wrapper in the floor seconds before rolling on the condom... he'd practiced this many times over the past month as he planned this night.

She watched him, and when he looked up and her eyes locked on his, he was upon her. His lips brushing every inch of her face, then her neck and shoulder as a hand slid down her side to her thigh, pushing it away and opening her virgin flower up to him.

"It's gonna hurt," she cried suddenly, tears coming down her face.

"Sh.... Lexi... calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. I love you..." he whispered to her softly as he pressed his pelvis against her, his hard penis in it's rubber wrapping sliding against her silky blonde hair.

She continued to cry, but didn't resist his touch, nor did she refuse his lips from her's. His hands kneeded the flesh of her breasts and thigh as he slipped himself past her nether lips as carefully as he could.

"I don't want to hurt you. I won't hurt you. I love you Lexi... if you say stop, I will..."

Slowly he pushed into her and her face contorted quickly from passion to pain as he broke past her heimen. It felt like he was tearing her from the inside and the pain shot instantly up her spine, escaping from her lips in a cry as she shook beneath him.

He stopped, frozen as he was while he waited, suddenly regretting conning his girlfriend into this position... but then her eyes opened, bright almost flourescent blues staring up into his lavender-blue swirls. Ruby lips parted as he bent his face down to brush her tears away with his tongue; the tears tasted salty sweet.

She brought up a hand and sqeezed his forearm with a sigh and the look in her eyes softened. He pulled out to his head and pushed back into her again.

Beneath her, a dark, thick stain on the black silk sheets of the california king slowly grew bigger as he slid her body farther up into the bed.
----

He set the dufflebag just inside the front door as Tem paid the cabby. Black eyes looked around the house he'd expected to find trashed with a weeks worth of dishes and potato chip bags.

A few minutes later the lanky red head came lumbering up the porch with his suitcase and guitar. Joe smiled almost warmly as he took the suitcase from him and set it next to his own bag.

"God, you think you crammed enough junk in there?" he asked, his fingers brushing lightly against his lover's briefly.

"No... I left my shampoo and conditioner at the hotel... remind me to buy some more la-"

Joe held up a hand to cut him off as he sniffed the air, a strange look crossing his face.

"What? Did someone leave the milk out?" Tem asked, shutting the door with his foot before setting his guitar case next to their luggage, starting for the kitchen. Coffee. He was so tired, but didn't want to head for bed yet... first he needed enough caffeene to give him a boost long enough to drive all the way to L.A. to pick up Miguel.

"No... it's not the milk..." he said, following him to the kitchen, watching as he started making the strongest coffee he'd ever seen.

"Okay... so.... what? Do you smell funk from someone's shoes. I mean, we haven't had a decent shower in two days. We've got to be smellin raunchy by now babe," he said, leaning against the counter as the Mr. Coffee went to work.

He shook his head. "No... we smell like someone gave us a flea dip in cologne."

"Then what the hell's got you so worked up all a sudden Joe?"

"Pussy."

"Oh god... I thought we were past this... I am 'not' getting that drunk for you ever again. Not even if you paid me like a hooker."

"You're an idiot... no." He sniffed the air again. "Definately pussy."

Tem clamped a hand on his shoulder and squeezed hard. "Joe, now is not the time to tell me about the hotel maid. I already know you fucked her brains out... I've filed it away to deal with 'later'... this is not-"

"Damn it Tem! I didn't sleep with that bitch okay! I'm too used to an-" He cut himself off when Tem let go of his shoulder and took out a two coffee mugs, filling them to the brim with the rich dark liquid life, bypassing the sugar.

He breathed in the aroma of fresh brewed beans, ignoring the hint of hazelnut as he greedily sucked it down, the warmth spreading through him like wildfire as his limbs started reanimating slowly.

By the time he set down his mug, Tem was already chugging down his second, coffee dribbling down the sides of his mouth. Joe laughed and wiped at his lips with the back of his hand. "Thirsty much?" he said grinning and pulling the red head close.

"Not now... too tired..."

"That coffee should be kicking in any time now babe," he said, briefly brushing his tongue along those crimson lips, which parted eagerly and sucked it in.

Tem broke the kiss and sighed. "Still too tired... lemme call Mirei and tell her we made it back okay."

"Maybe we should catch some sleep first," his love admitted, picking up his cup to drain it of the last drops of liquid life.

"Good idea... I'd better call Sei and tell him to bring Mig himself... I'll probably fall asleep behind the wheel. Go put up our bags, I'll be back there in a few," he said, pouring himself a third cup before passing into the living room, grabbing the phone off the hook as he passed.

Joe rolled his eyes, knowing how long Tem's calls to Mirei usually lasted (the shortest being an hour and a half at least). He followed and continued on to the door to sling his bag strap up on his shoulder, glancing back at Tem as he pulled his legs inward, curling up with his bare feet hanging out of the recliner.

With a grunt he picked up Tem's suitcase with one hand and the guitar with the other, slowly taking them into and down the hall towards the back bedroom.

Tem's brows furrowed as he heard the discordant sound of his guitar as Joe dropped it, followed by two thuds. "Imoo... hold on. I think Koibito just broke something..." He forced himself up and went down the hall to find Joe standing in the doorway to their room staring in silence.

When he looked past the brooding male, he blinked. "Mir... I'll have to call you back..." he dropped the phone just as the woman on the other line started asking and chattering to find out what was going on.

Joe put out an arm, trying to pull his lover away, but Tem just barrelled past, flying in a rage and snapping the covers off the sleeping pair.

Instantly they woke, the blonde rolling out of the bed into the floor on the other side as the boy scrambled to get up.. but there was no need. His father quickly snatched him by the arm and yanked him hard enough to dislocate his shoulder.

"What in the name of hell do you- what the fuck were you thinking!"

"Tem. Tem babe, calm down."

Angry eyes turned to Joe, who for once seemed to shrink back into himself at the glare. Of all the times over all the years he'd seen him pissed... this was by far the worst, the most dangerous he's ever seen the man. And this is including the the last stand against Voide and Blank...

"You stay out of this!" he growled as Alexia was grabbing up her clothes from the floor, trying to pull them on without falling over.

Tem turned his eyes on her and she shrieked before running for the bathroom, her pink silk panties in hand.

"Dad I can ex-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Tem snapped, swooping down to pick up the boy's jeans, wadding them up and throwing them at him. "Put 'em on before I whip you with them! And pull off that rubber while you're at it!"

Fearful of his father's sudden wrath (the likes of which the boy had never in his life seen... he'd always been sent off to play outside or to play on the computer when his dad and Joe always fought), he pulled it off, but froze when he saw the tear in the side.

"What? Never seen your own spunk before? Put it down and get your damn pants on!"

Instantly he dropped it to the carpet, and Tem swooped down to pick it up and disgustedly throw it in the waste basket beneath the nightstand on Joe's side of the bed.

Astarte yanked his pants up, trying not to get caught in the zipper.

"Do you have any idea wh-" Tem took a deep breath when the door to the bathroom opened. He put a hand to his forhead, the headache he'd walked into the house with now was blinding. "I can't even begin to deal with this now... you," he pointed at Alexia. "Get the phone and call your mother. Tell her to come pick you up."

He looked back at his son as the girl hurried past to get the phone from the hall, Joe leading her away from the room, thankfull to be out of sight from that horrible, deadly gaze.

"You have no idea what- Just go to your room. And lock yourself in, just in case I decide to come wring your filthy neck for this." And instantly he went to the bed, stripping it of the sheets and tossing them to the floor. When he saw the red stain on the matress, he cursed in tongues under his breath as he crossed to the closet, pulling out a set of hunter green sheets.

The boy left the room, quietly picking up his wallet and shirt and the condom wrapper. He stopped at his bedroom door and peered into the livingroom where Alexia sat in tears, the phone in her lap, blonde hair tangled with the previous night's passion, tangled by his greedy hands.

She looked up and her blue eyes caught him, a weak smile coming to her lips. "I love you" he mouthed, and her smile grew only a little bigger before he heared his father's barking voice.

"Room! Now! Don't make me come out there!"

He hung his head and opened his door, going into the room lit only by the streaks of sunlight. He shut and locked the door, sliding to the ground in tears as he hugged his legs to his chest.
----

No one blamed anyone, though Tem now carried a loathing for his own son that brought about so much tension that they rarely saw each other, by choice.

Tem had forced Astarte to work a job after school, giving him no free time to do anything else. On the week ends he came with him to work at the hotel.

Mirei and Tempest had dealt with the situation quite differently, thinking their friend's treatment of Astarte was a bit rough, even by their high standards. They forbade her never to see him again until she was moved out on her own and no longer dependant on them for support. They placed her into a private school for girls, and changed her curfew from 10 PM to 7:30 PM. Enough time to get home from school with just five minutes to spare depending on traffic that day. One of them of course dealt with getting her to and from school.

This was rather effective for a time, until Mirei started noticing a change in her daughter's way of dress (outside that of the school uniform) and what she did still wear was starting to tighten on her.

After a month, she started receiving calls at home from the school nurse, telling her Alexia was sick every day, throwing her breakfast up in the bathroom when she got to school every morning...

At this point, she knew, especially when she noticed Alexia hadn't come to her for a month and a half with a request for more pads. Tempest insisted she get a proffessional opinion.

Alexia, star student and golden child of the Valar family, was pregnant.

As soon as the news was official, Mirei phoned Tem with it. He didn't have anything to say other than "Alright. Have her decide if she wants to carry it to term or not. If you don't want it, I'll sign the papers and make him take care of it."
----

He ran down the hall as fast as he could, Joe on his heels trying to keep up. "Damn Pikes are fast sombitches," he said when he finally caught up with him, doubled over and trying to catch his breath.

"Where is she! Is she okay! How's my son?" Astarte asked frantically, putting no pause between each question as Tempest barred his way.

"Let me through! I want to see her!"

"I can't let you do that," he said, though his personal feelings wanted to tear him apart for the words.

"Let me see my son!" he shouted, trying harder to get past.

Joe, after catching his breath, pulled him back and looked down at him. "You know you can't go in there. Tem-"

"Fuck him! Fuck what he said! No one is going to stop me from seeing them! No one!" he shouted as nurses shot them angry looks.

"Kid, we can't. She doesn't want to see you."

"You liar! Both of you!" he shouted, jumping away from Joe's grip and ducking beneath Tempest's arms as he pushed through the door. He stood in almost shock as Mirei, her back to the door, encouraged her to breathe. To push. Over and over again.

Joe was right behind him rying to grab him from the room. But he pulled just out of his reach and went for the side opposite Mirei, grabbing Alexia's hand as she let out the most god awful screams.

"I'm here now. I'm here Lexi," he said. "Listen to me. Breathe. It's going to be alright."

She turned her sweat covered face to him, warm recognition in her eyes as she tried to smile before the wave of contractions took hold of her again. "Who are you?" one of the nurses snapped at him.

"I'm the father," he barked back as Alexia squeezed his hand.

"Get those men out of here!" the doctor shouted. Joe and Tempest were shoved out and the door shut behind them as Alexia's screams grew.

Astarte looked up to Mirei only a moment to see her smile. "I knew you'd come," she said.

"I love her," he replied. "I'd move heaven and earth for her and my son...." he looked down at his girlfriend, the mother of his son, and started again to encourage her on.
----

She lay half awake in the bed, turning her head to see a bassonet in the corner. "My baby..." she whispered, weakly reaching towards it.

"He's right here Lexi," he said. She turned her head to see him sitting in a chair beside her, a small bundle wrapped in blue resting in his arms.

"Star... I thought... But dad said-"

"I came," he said, leaning over. "Do you want to hold little Tempest?"

"You..."

"You passed out when they asked what name. I didn't know which one you picked, so I blurted out your dad's when he came in the room... we can always change it later if you want."

"No. It's fine..." she said softly, holding her arms out.

"I think he's gotten a little hungry," he said, laying the child in her arms. She looked down at his small chubby face with a smile. He looked up at her with dark violet eyes.

"He looks just like you," she said, looking up when Astarte held out a bottle of formula.

"They told your mom to tell you to bottle feed. Your breasts are too small for..."

She nodded and took the bottle, holding it to the child's eager little mouth. Astarte stood there, looking down at the two with a smile, his body language denoting the pride he felt. "What last name should we give him?" he asked.

"Yours naturally. He is your son after all."

He kissed her cheek and put an arm about her shoulders. "Not just mine. Ours. And nobody's going to take him from us."

"What do you mean?... of course no-"

"You know who I mean Lex... and I won't let him do it. I'll kill him before I let 'that' man anywhere near my son."

"Star..." she said with a weary sigh. He kissed her cheek again and looked down at his son.

"You're right. He does look like me," he said with a smile. "It'll take a while for his eyes to work their way out though."

"I can already see he'll have your eyes too."
----

The nurse had come and taken the bassonet back to the nursery... but she'd had to wait until both Alexia and the child were asleep... otherwise Astarte wouldn't let her anywhere near them. Joe had come by with Miguel to see the baby, and Astarte was not suprised at his own father's absence. It was Joe who sat with him now outside beneath one of the light poles as the elder smoked.

"He'll come around... I almost had him convinced into coming."

"I'm glad you didn't... he would have only made things worse," he said, sipping his large cup of coffee. He hadn't slept at all since he'd gotten to the hospital, jumpy at everything and every move anyone around him but Alexia and the baby made. He was a wreck... and only 14.

"Is it hard?"

"What?"

"Raising a baby. Is it as hard as dad says it is?"

"Damn skippy. God... your little brother was a handful, still is. But nothing compared to you kiddo."

"You only say that because he's you's and I'm not."

"No... I'm saying that because when you were little you were a little terror... because there was hardly anyone around to watch you. We were always gone doing something else instead of taking care of you."

"So? You saying that's why I did 'this'?"

"No Star, I'm not. I'm saying that just like right now, your dad was never around when you needed him. He was always gone off saving the world...again. And by the time he started sticking around, it was too late to change anything. You grew up and he didn't get to be there for it..."

"What exactly are you trying to tell me Joe?"

"Usualy I agree with your dad. Almost always I side with him on anything that comes down the pipe. It's been that way for years, since before your brother was born. But, in the rare instances I am completely against his decisions, especially concerning you kids.

"I'll stand in his way if he does something stupid as long as you show me that you can and are willing to take care of the kid with Alexia. Show me you want that kid and would do anything for it. And both of you have to stay in school long enough to at least graduate. If you can do that, I will do my best to keep Tem in line until he comes around."

The boy burst into tears and threw himself at him so suddenly he almost knocked him off balance. "Oh god I fucked up! I fucked up! I-"

"Sh.... calm down. Buck up kiddo. You gotta be strong. You got people depending on you now," he said, stroking the back of his head gently. Astarte turned his face up to him.

"Thank you Joe. You have no idea what this means to me, to us."

"Yeah, I think I do..." he pushed the kid away ant flicked his cigarette butt to the sidewalk. "I gotta get goin kid. You gonna stick around the night or go to school tomorrow?"

"I'm gonna stick around the night. Mirei'll be here in the mornin to take us home when they discharge her and Tempest."

"Oh, that's what you named him. I thought he was going to be named-"

"Named what?"

"Well Mirei told me Lex wanted to name him after you."

"Well... he doesn't have a middle name yet... we just today decided he'll have my last name. It'll cut down on the confusion when Lex and I-"

"Okay, you've really thought ahead... but I gotta skat. You know Tem. A mother hen to the end." He gave him a final hug with a grin. "Give my regards to Lex for me."

He nodded and watched him until he was to his car in the parking lot. When the man dissapeared behind tinted windows, he heaved a great sigh and looked up at the building before shuffling his feet to go back inside.
----

"I'll get it!" Miguel called, racing his elder brother to the door. He opened it wide and accidentally smacked him in the head. "Lexi! Tempy!" Miguel cried, crouching down as the child ran into his arms. He picked up the boy, three times as young as himself with a laugh.

"Wow! You've gotten bigger little man!"

The boy laughed, especially when Astarte came out from behind the door rubbing his head. "Warn me before you do that."

"Sure, no prob," Miguel said, then hoisted the boy on his hip and pointed at his brother. "Look at the funny clown Tempy. Ain't he funny?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! No!" the boy shouted with a happy grin while clapping his hands.

"Okay Miguel. Give him here," he said. The boy instantly reached his arms out to his father as Astarte took him.

"Go tell Joe Lex and Tempy's here."

Miguel nodded, and after a long moment of peek-a-boo with his nephew, he took off out back.

"Are you sure we-"

"Of course," he said, leaning close to give her a kiss on hte lips. "Thanks for coming... this means oodles to me."

She smiled, hoisting the diaper bag up on her shoulder and going timidly inside just as Joe came bounding in from the deck. He embraced her happily and mussed her hair a with a grin. "Where's the little guy!"

"Joe joe joe joe joe joe!" the child cried and reached out for the man. Astarte handed him off and let the old man sit and play with him, then took the bag from Alexia. "Here... you don't gotta lug that thing around. I got plenty of his stuff lying around."

"Lying around? Heh, that's just like you... ever the organized one," she scoffed.

"Hey! I try. At least I got my Psychology notebook in order for the notebook check next week."

"True," she said, poking him in the side happily. "It's good to see you," she said, giving him a kiss on his crimson lips. He pulled her close, deepening it as Joe sat there, covering their son's eyes.

"Ahem... small child in the room..."

The two broke apart with a grin, Alexia looking down at her shoes and Astarte just smiling away. "Sorry... we forgot," he said laughing, then glancing over to the deck door.

"He gonna be okay with this?" he asked. No one needed to ask what 'this' meant... they all knew not to refer to 'the incident' around Tem... who had tried his damnedest to blot it from his mind altogether, not able to deal with another mental breakdown.

"Don't worry about it. I think I finally have him seeing differently. At least, when I started talking about it he didn't throw anything at me this time."

"That's progress for you."

"Yeah. It's a good sign when you don't have a 12th century Ming vase crashing on the wall next to your head." he got up with the kid in his arms, handing him back to Alexia. "Just show him how responsible you are and I don't think he'll make an ass of himself until after you guys leave."

"Well... I guess that's a good thing..." Alexia said, stroking her son's golden blonde hair. He grinned at her. "Besides... when he sees this beautiful little face for the first time, he 'can't' still be mad."

Joe nodded and grinned. "I'll go prepare the warzone for you guys... is your mom coming?"

"Yeah. She was still looking for her keys when I left. But she should be here with dad soon."

"Good," he said. "We're going to need them both if things go sour." He started for the deck, grabbing an oven mit off the table when he passed.

The teen parents looked at one another before taking in a deep breath, their hands locked together. "Well... here goes nothing," Alexia said. Her lover nodded and started with her to the deck, shielding his eyes when he stepped out into the bright sun.

He let go her hand and looked around for his father. He found him in the far corner on a stool, his glasses on and his laptop open on the rail, his back to the house as he pound away at the keys.

He glanced over to Joe at the grill with Vash, who'd left Missing Mile for the week since his wife was in Austrailia with their daughter. Joe gave the red-headed teen a small nod before diving back into conversation with his brother.

"Dad?"

"What?" he asked, not angry, not content. Just plain and bland, as if he didn't care one way or another what the boy wanted.

"There's someone I want you to meet."

"I thought I made myself clear Astarte," he droned. "No friends brought to the house."

He sighed, glancing back at Alexia in the doorway. He waved for her to come over to him. Hessitantly she went, holding fast to her son. His father held his arms out and took the child from her and put his finger over his lips.

"Dad, this is Tempest," he said.

Tem whirled around on his stool, mouth open to say something with an angry look in his eye, but when he saw the child he softened a little and closed his trap.

"Daddy!" the boy cried, trying to reach out for his grandfather.

"No Tempy. That's granpa," Astarte said, pointing at Tem. "Daddy," he pointed to himself. The child grinned brightly.

"Abuelo! Abuelo!" he shouted happily, wiggling in his father's arms.

"He said-"

"Yeah. His favorite show is Dora the Explorer and Dragon Ball dubbed into Spanish."

Tem sighed and looked embarassed, turning only briefly to close his laptop and take it off the rail, handing it to Alexia. "Can I...?"

Astarte nodded and passed the boy off as Alexia stiffened at his side with a look of horror on her face. "Star!" she hissed in her lover's ear as Tem looked down at his grandson.

"Just hold on Lex. Watch what he does..." he whispered back.

The child was laughing and wiggling in his arms, and suddenly, he smiled and laughed with him. "Hey Joe!" he called.

"What? The chicken's about to burn."

"That box under my side of the bed-"

"Yeah? What about it? Vash gimme that plate."

"Well, go-" he started when suddenly the kid took his glasses and put them on his own face and yanked a handful of his hair.

"Oh! Right! 'That' box!" He passed the tongs and plate to Vash who quickly started taking the chicken breasts off the rack.

Joe dissapeared inside as Tem took his glasses back and sat on the floor on his knees and playing with the kid.

Alexia burst into tears the second Joe returned with a box, stuffed animals and toys literally falling falling over the edges. He dropped the box beside Tem and handed the weeping girl his hankerchief. She blew her nose and handed it back. He pushed her hand away in disgust as Tem produced from the box... a stuffed rabbit, sewn back together with a rather crude, childlike stitching and patches of random cloth that varried in shades of black and blue.

"Tammy-chan!" she exclaimed as the man gave it to her son. She looked at Tem oddly, but he was oblivious to her cobalt stare as little Tempest gave him a hug.

Everyone (except Vash who was finishing up the lunch/dinner thing at the bar and grill, and Joe who had this look of relief on his face) were in varried looks of shock and had hardly noticed the engine of a 1999 Ford F-150 pulling up in the front of the house. Also what they failed to notice was Alexia's parents stumbling through the house with many gift bags and elegantly wrapped (Mirei's doing) boxes.

"Hello! I know you're home! I saw Oniisan's Harley parked out front!"

But nobody answered. No one heard her until when she came out to the deck and fainted at the sight of Tem with the child. Her husband just standing there looking down at her blinking while trying not to drop the 20 gift bags of varrying sizes that she'd made him carry from the truck.

All but Tem looked over to see what happened as Tempest shrugged and carried the bags to a table where other gifts were piled and set them on the floor.

"Alexia... get your mother a glass of cool water would you?" he said, turning to retrieve the boxes she'd dropped when she passed out.

Wiping at her eyes with her sleeve, she went inside for the water.

"Granpa!" the little one shouted and ran over to Tempest, clinging to his leg.

"Get this chibi-Star off me..." he grumbled, trying to shake the kid off his leg.

Astarte went over and picked him up. "Now Tempy... you know granpa Tempest doesn't like that. Go play with abuelo," he said, setting him back down and giving him a small pat on the bum to get him going back in that direction.

Alexia came back with the water and handed it to her father... who immediately poured it on his wife's face. "Time to wake up Mirei," he said with a smirk.

Alexia, knowing that when her mother eventually got back on her feet would make move to tackle her father and tickle him until he apologized (this sort of thing happened at least twice a week...) took her place at a table, crossing her legs and smoothing out her skirt.

"No! That doesn't go up your nose!" Tem shouted as he took one of the toys away... which caused the boy to suddenly start wailing. "Think you spoiled him enough?" he asked, looking at the parents.

"We only spoiled him the same way we were," Alexia said. Tem gave her an annoyed look, which made the child laugh and giggle... but that was partially because Miguel was standing behind Tem, mimicking every move he made as well as giving a funny face each time.

Astarte, giving his younger brother the look of death which mean he'd better knock it off or he'd be in a world of trouble if their dad caught him, scooted his son out of the way and gave his father a hug, something he hadn't been able to do for three long years.

"Happy birthday dad," he said as Tem's grip got tighter and the shoulder of his shirt started to dampen with his father's tears.

He finally let go and picked up a box from one of the tables. "Presents?"

Slowly, Tem took it and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, inspecting the tag, but still unable to read it since his vision was all blurry and his eyes were almost as red as his hair.

"It's from me, Lex, and Tempy," Astarte said, pulling out a chair next to her and picking up their son, trying to hold the hyperactive little squirt in his lap. "Now, you better not lose this or we'll kill you, and I mean it. Lexi will throttle you the first time we hear it's been missplaced."

Joe shook his head and went to helping Vash set out various plates and containers of food on the bar, basically making it into a mini buffet with the poker table at the end with various bottles of coke and 2 bottles of liquor... not a smart idea that last, but for some strange reason the brotherly duo didn't think that Miguel, the troublemaking kid, wouldn't try to sneak some. And if they did... then they obviously didn't care.

Mirei looked up from the tickle torture of her husband at the first sound of paper literally shredding.

A second round of tears were illicited from Tem as he stared down at the front cover of a small album with the words "Baby's First Album" written in fancy golden cursive lettering.

"Ya know... if he's like this now... how will we top next year?" Alexia whispered.

Astarte gave a wicked smile with a twinkle in his eye. "Oh... don't worry about it. I've got it already taken care of..."

Little did anyone know his thoughts were wandering (no big suprise) to the well being of a small box tucked away in his sock drawer where a diamond ring waited patiently for the year to pass.
---- End.

15 July 2005
Timeline: Completely outside of the RPC universe. Actually, the only thing this story and the series have in common are the characters.

On Tour

"Arigatou Tokyo! O-yasumi nasai!" he shouted, pumping his half gloved fist in the air. With a smile to the screaming crowd he kicked over the mic stand. He continued to shout, basking in the adoration of the audience. It was like this at the end of every show, no matter what the country...

Mirei ran up to the front of the stage and grabbed his arm, trying to pull him away. He shrugged her off and went back, throwing his arms into the air and planting his feet far apart. He looked like a big, human X as he screamed in joy to the people.

Mirei signaled for the rest of the band, who came and dragged him backstage. They finally let his struggling form go when they were in the dressing room.

"God! We ROCKED!" he exclaimed, tossing back sweat drenched locks.

"I never want to play Japan again..." Cross muttered.

"Oh come on. It's not like you had to learn the language, just the lyrics. Besides... at least this way you have enough money to pay for all those kids futures," Mirei said as there was a knock at the door.

Cross looked over at him. "Open that door and we'll kill you."

"But! But-"

"I won't rescue you from the yaoi-crazed fan girls again... I almost got my arm chewed off in Osaka last week," Joe said, finally letting go of his arm. "Besides, you'd better change into something easier to run in. It's a long jog from here to the bus."

"Fine fine..."

"Media hog," Seijin muttered, snapping closed his violin case. Mirei escaped to the bathroom for a quick shower, her arms loaded with clothes. Tem threw himself onto the couch with an exhausted sigh. "I'm so tired."

"You should be you monkey freak! Dancing all over that big ass stage in nothing but black pleather! I'm suprised you didn't die of heat stroke out there!" Cross exclaimed, peeling off his sweat soaked shirt and tossing it to the floor with a loud, wet sounding smack.

"Damn... you pour five gallons of water on your head bro?" Joe asked, staring down at the shirt as the press and fangirls continued banging on the door.

"No... unlike some people who just stand there, look pretty, and play guitar I actually get some exercise."

"Heh, he get's plenty of exercise... just not when anyone's looking," Tem snickered. The look on his face obviously clueing any that might see it into the fact he was obviously not there at the moment... for he had once again slipped into his hentai state of mind.

Joe kicked him in the leg with his steel toed boot... the steel toe on the outside rather than on the in. "Shut up or I'll cripple your sorry ass," he snapped.

"Hey guys!" came a voice. It was Tempest whom Tem had hired (against Tempest's better judgement of course) to replace his old manager Phillipe.

"Are the press gone?!?!" Tem, Joe, and Cross all called in unison.

"Yeah! Damien and Allessandra got rid of them."

"Then what do you want?" Mirei called as she opened the bathroom door, steam enveloping her as if she were standing before a fog machine. She was dressed now in a tight baby tee, a soft pink, and a pair of form fitting sand blasted jeans of blue-black denim... both pieces of which left little to the imagination. She was quickly drying her golden locks with a towel.

There was a moment of hessitation from her husband beyond the door. "There's a couple of kids here with backstage passes."

"How many?" Tem asked, pulling off his fingerless gloves.

"A few," Tempest replied.

"Send the chilluns in!" Mirei exclaimed. In this split second... Cross was frantically pulling on his pants over his spongebob boxers.

The door swung open as instantly two screaming Japanese girls clung to each of Joe's arms, a thrid and fourth to Tem, and a fifth to Cross. Oh... and Mirei wasn't left out! three girls and three guys instantly crowded around her, jabbering on in Japanese. She smiled and accepted their books and pictures and signed her name to them, leaving the six of them in shocked euphoria as they clung to their pens and their books and pictures.... one of the guys even had a Mirei doll she initialed the shirt of.

"Get it off me! Get it off me!" Cross suddenly screeched in English, trying to tear from his groupie's vice grip.

Tem craned his neck, a little wigged out himself by the fact there were two girls trying to grope their way into his tight black pleather pants. Joe just stood there and laughed, squeezing one of the girl's butt... which in turn caused Tem to glare death at him before finally breaking away to see what Cross was fussing about.

Mirei, having pulled her husband into the room to use as a shield against the groupies from hell, was laughing her ass off at everyone... even Tempest as he tried to beat back the fan boys with his steel clipboard...

And this was how things went after 'every' show...

"Get it off! It's trying to rape me! I'm married damn it! I HAVE CHILDREN!" he screamed, still in English, as he ripped away from the rabid fan's grip. He hid behind Tem, who in turn used him as a shield against his own devilish duo... meanwhile Joe was 'still' copping a feel on his two groupies.

Cross's crazed fan smiled and held up a book to a blank page with a pen. Tem casually took it and signed his name, passing it around to his brother...who had taken to slipping into a corner behind a rack with Tem and Mirei's clothes on it... hiding like the smart man he was...

Then suddenly the three girls that had first swarmed Mirei squeeled in delight and swarmed like newbs to an RP chatroom to the corner. Seijin screamed and threw the book into the air. Mirei caught it after it sailed across the room, narrowly missing her husband's head. She signed her name and passed it to Joe, who reluctantly signed his with a little mark that only he and Tem knew was his 'other' name in his own evil language. Then finally, Cross's crazed fan's book came to him. He held it up as if it might bite before scrawling his name on the paper and handing it back to the kid.

"ARIGATOU CROSSU-SAMA!" the kid cried with tears of joy and huge heart eyes before throwing Tem at the wall and clinging to Cross once more.

"G-E-T I-T O-F-F!!!" he screamed.

Tempest had managed to beat the three boys and 5 of the seven girls out with his clipboard.... the remaining only being the one leeching off Cross and the two that clung to each of Joe's arms.... both received the glare of death from Tem... plus an 'accidental' sharp elbow into the side, particularly one that had managed to steal a kiss from the brute... Tem'd caught her in the lower back, right on the spine.

"Jealous much oniisan?" Mirei asked with a giggle as Cross was dragged from the room.

"Oh Cross! I forgot to tell you! Remember that 'Win a date with your fave male member of Dead World' contest?"

"YES!!!" he screamed down the hall. Tempest poked his head out the door.

"Well guess what pal! That kid was the winner!" he said with a smile, which got the reply of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'LL KILL YOU TEMPEST!!!" from Cross shortly before Tem grabbed the two girls roughly by the back of their shirts.

"Sorry, but time is up," he said, his voice cold and wicked, of course in Japanese so they could understand him.

They looked at him in shock as he glared at them in the hall. "He's mine," he snapped before slamming the door in their faces.

"What the hell was that!" Joe shouted angrily.

"Don't tell me you don't know what that was about!" Tem shouted back.

"Here we go again... where did I put my pain killers..." Mirei said, combing through her hair with her fingers.

"I made sure there was an extra bottle in your bag dear," Tempest replied. "Don't forget to bring me some... this is going to be a long ride to Okayama..."

Seijin picked up his violin case and grabbed up his bag. Apparently he'd changed while he was hiding back there. "I don't need this shit," he mumbled, pushing past his brother, his brother's lover, his brother's best friend, his brother's best friend's husband, and then finally after opening the door, the two shocked fan girls that were still staring at the door after he closed it back... both dazed and confused.

Before they made it to the tour bus two hours later, Tem had a sprained wrist, two cracked knuckles, a black eye, and a busted lip. Joe had a fractured elbow, a black eye, a busted lip, a bloody nose, a bruised kneecap, and screaming in agony balls from when Tem had finally had enough and kicked him with his spike heeled platform boot. Tem would have walked away with the same pain in his pants if not for one thing... he was wearing a piece, which originally was because his pants were so tight that if he didn't then the whole world would see the outline of his...ahem... joy stick.

---

Mirei was sitting in the living room of the penthouse suite Tempest had gotten for the band. She was toying on her keyboard with some lyrics joe had given her, trying to make them work with the music Tem had written. Tem was in his room, Joe pounding on the door demanding to be let in. Her husband was sitting on the balcony practicing his tai-chi to help get rid of the stress of being this band of misfit's manager. Seijin was 'out' meaning he'd gone drinking again and would probably come back totally pissed (meaning drunk obviously) and with some gay hooker on his arm.

Then... Cross slunk into the room, quietly and not looking at anyone. He had intended to go on to his private room, but Mirei was quick to catch him sneaking past. "So... how did that 'date' go?"

He didn't say anything, just stood there with his coat folded over his arm, then continued on to his room, locking the door behind him. Soon she heard the shower running.

"Damn it Tem I'm sorry!" Joe shouted as he continued to bang on the door. "C'mon babe! Lemme in!"

"Bugger off!" was the harsh reply.

Mirei sighed, reaching into her purse on the couch for her bottle of pain killers.... and found it empty... she gritted her teeth and tried to focus on her work.

A little while later, Joe had given up and come out to where Mirei was sitting and started to play Soul Caliber 2. Cross soon came out and sat quietly away from everyone, still not looking up from his hands in his lap. Tempest too came in and seated himself beside his wife, who squeezed his hand like a stress balloon of sand.

And yet Tem still did not come out. All heard him in his and Joe's room practicing some new songs with Joe's guitar.

Cross opened his mouth to say something, but just then the private elevator to their suite opened and Seijin burst out, bottle in hand and not one but TWO gay hookers on his arms.

The trio stopped short and looked around. "What's with all the long faces eh?" he asked, his intoxication making his brittish accent much more evident.

"Tem locked himself in his room again," Mirei said.

Sei whispered something to the hookers and pointed towards his room. They eagerly went in and shut the door. "Not again... bloody idjit. What was it this time?"

"The same old shit," Tempest said, trying to focus on Joe and the game he was playing.

"Bloody 'ell..." He gave a great sigh before sitting in Joe's lap.

"What the?"

"Making this a family affair Joe?" Cross said with a small smile, the first they'd seen him wear since he came back.

"Shut up Cross... and get off my lap Sei..." Joe growled.

"Wait... I got a plan. Trust me. It'll work... just start making moaning sounds and keep your head infront of mine. No kisses though... i'll bite your lips off."

"Like I'd ever kiss you you little freak..."

"Just do it. Trust me, it'll work." Sei said, wrapping a loose arm around Joe and positioning himself in an awkward, but suggestive position on the man's lap... yet at an angle where he could jump up and run when the moment came.

"Oh god yes! Right there!" Seijin shouted. Mirei covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Cross looked back at his lap quietly. Tempest just stared at the TV and hoped this whole thing would just go away... just go away like a bad dream...

"Yeah... yeah! Bugger me like you bugger my brother!" Sei shouted suddenly. After a second, Joe got the idea and smiled.

"You want that you little britt whore? Yeah... take it out bitch!" he shouted, adding in a few moans.

This went on for five minutes more before Tem ran out, Joe's guitar raised high in the air. Seijin jumped up and bolted for his room, slamming and locking the door behind him in the sanctuary of his mini-Japanese whore house.

Tem stood there, guitar poised above his head as Joe backed up against the wall.

"Oniisan, you can put that down now."

"DIRTY LITTLE BITCH I'LL KILL YOU!" he shouted and started to make his way towards Sei's room.

Cross jumped from the chair and tackled him as Mirei dove for the guitar. Joe grabbed his feet and tried to drag him and Cross both back away from the door which Tem was using his very nails against the carpet to claw to.

"TEMMOTHY PIKE!" Tempest shouted, hitting him on the head with his ever handy clipboard. "This is your intervention."

"My what?"

"I thought I was just going to strap him to the chair and boink him into forgiveness," Joe said with a straight face.

"Stupid bisexual bigamist bitch!" Tem shouted, trying to claw away from them again.

Mirei set the guitar down and sat on the small of his back. Cross and Joe let him go and Tempest backed off a few feet. "Oniisan, this is no way for a grown man to act. If you want to act like a five year old child, a foul mouthed one at that, then I'll treat you like one."

"Get off me Mirei," he growled.

"No. You want to be a jealous little baby, fine. I'll treat you the same way I treat my own kids..." she glanced up at Tempest. "Do the honors hun."

Cross and Joe sat back indian style and watched as, unwillingly Tempest pulled down the back of Tem's pants. "Now get Bob."

Tempest had a sudden look of pity on his face as, with his head down, he went into his and Mirei's room. When he returned he had a ping-pong paddle in his hand... with holes drilled in it.

"Are you-"

"Just give it here!" Mirei snapped. Then, without hessitation she started literally beating Tem's ass with the paddle. He screamed, she hit him harder. He struggled, she hit him faster. Red blisters from the holes started to rise on his flesh. After a while she stopped, tapping the palm of her hand with the flat end of the paddle.

"Now are you going to behave like an adult or do you want to continue acting like a child?"

Both Cross and Tempest stared at her in a cross between horror and amazement. Joe just sat there, shifting his position every so often and everyone knew why. Ahem... ANYWAY...

"Yes! Just quit spanking me damn it!"

She smacked him again.

"What the hell-"

BAM

"God damn it!"

SMACK THWACK

"PUT THE GOD DAMN PADDLE DOWN!"

WHACK WHACK WHACK THWAP

Tempest ran up behind her as Tem let another string of words fly. He grabbed the paddle from her hand as she came up for another blow. "I think he's had enough dear."

She stared at him a long moment, then sighed and nodded. "Yes, but everyone knows I had no choice."

Cross and Joe both eagerly nodded, daring not disagree with the woman now that they knew what would be in store for them.

She pulled Tem's pants back up over his swollen bum and stood up, grabbing her keyboard. "Are you going to behave and stop acting like a spoiled brat?"

Tem nodded, not looking at her as he lay there on his belly.

"And are you going to listen to what Joe has to say?"

Again he nodded. She sighed, grabbing up her purse and putting her wireframe glasses on. "I'm off to bed." she muttered, going to her room and closing the door.

"Well that was interesting." Cross said.

"Speaking of which... how did your date go?" Joe said with a smile.

"I'm going back to my room. I would like everyone to erase what happened from their minds. i would like everyone to forget about it as I go into deep memory regression..." he got up and started for his room.

"Awh! Come on bro! It couldn't have been that bad!" Tempest called.

He stopped at his door and didn't turn around. "Lets just say Tem, Joe, and Sei would have loved to have been in my shoes... I'll never be clean again." He went in and shut the door behind him. They all heard the click of the lock.

"Well that explains why he's so depressed." Tempest said.

"I'll never sit again." Tem wailed.

Mirei poked her head out the door. "Quiet out here! I'm trying to sleep you stupid little whores!.. except you hun. You're not a whore, well, you're my whore."

Tem burried his face in his arm. Joe picked him up and dragged him to their room, laying him in bed on his belly. Tempest shook his head and marked yet another note on his clipboard.

"How did I ever get into this mess." he muttered, reaching over with his foot to turn off the PS2 that Joe was playing.

---

Noon, lunch time. Everyone was starving when they pulled into Okayama. A small town, but they had a minor benefit to play before heading to New Zealand.

Tem and Joe spent the time talking and cudling in the back of the bus while watching the first Lord of the Rings movie. They were obviously just fine and dandy again. Cross was on the phone with Kakurine, finding out that the twins broke their legs tree climbing and two of the triplets got stung by jelly fish while Gem had been babysitting them while she went to work.

Mirei was curled up on one of the bunks with her game boy. and her husband was sitting up front with the driver. Seijin was on the other bus with the stage crew... not that anyone really minded... they all knew that he was the stage crew slut. And despite the obvious animosity between them, Tem actually cared about his brother's well being.

Tempest now came out with cell phone in hand. "OKAY! WE'RE STOPPING FOR LUNCH! WHO WANT'S WHAT!" he shouted across the bus so that even Joe and Tem could hear him over whatever they were doing now.

"Good old American KFC!" Cross called before returning to his phone. "No baby, Tempest just wanted to know what we wanted to eat... no... I'm so fuckin sick of sushi. That's all these fuckin asians eat out here!"

"I'll try, but if i can't then-"

"Then we better hire a damn chef cuz I want some damn deep fried chicken with a side of mashed potatos, a few biscuits, and a damn coke in a cup instead of a fuckin can!"

Mirei snickered. "I'll have the usual."

"Lembas bread and Ent Draught!" Tem called with a giggle.

"You know that doesn't exist." Joe said, poking him in bum.

"Oh... tender," he replied, smacking at his hand. "No touch. Not till the pain that a certain SOMEONE inflicted upon me last night goes away!"

"Hey! It was a necessary evil!" Mirei called, poking her head out from the little curtain that separated her bunk from the rest of the world.

"Fine fine! I'll have a large tub of macaroni and cheese! And plenty of sake!" Tem called with another giggle. "Ooooo Orlando Bloom... I would do ANYTHING to meet him... Sexy Legolas..." he said, ignoring Joe's displeased look as he zoned out to the movie.

"Uh... steak! Medium rare with a baked potato, some steamed veggies, a fried ice cream, and more sake than the idiot!" Joe called before he too zoned out to the movie. "Liv Tyler... sexy elf woman..."

"Evil elf bitch," Tem muttered under his breath.

"Say, I have a wicked idea..." He went over to a little storage compartment where he kept some of his stage costumes and pulled out a long blonde wig and a shaggy brown-black one. "I'll be Legolas, and you can be Aragorn..."

"But I thought your ass hurt."

"Well do I look like I give a flying fuck?" he said, shutting the door to the back of the bus.

Tempest stood there shaking his head, marking their orders down on the paper of the clipboard. He heaved a great sigh before going back to the driver cabin and sitting down, passing the sheet over to the poor man who had to figure out where the hell in this town to get their food.

 

---

Crimson lips seemed to make love to the microphone. Literally! It was like he may as well have been giving the thing a bj! Dark blue fishnet shirt, no sleeves, and small ties at the side.

Behind him on the guitar, it seemed Joe's hips were humpin the guitar. Had to admit... those two really had... what's the right word for it... passion? Love? None of those sound right. But they'll have to do. That's what they had for their music.

Mirei tossed her hair wildly as Cross, shirtless and gleaming with sweat, twirled his drumsticks in the air.

Sei and Tem stood back to back as they played a quick duet before diving back into the words of their newest release "Scarlet Snowfall."

"Razor blade gleam! Slippery when wet! Slice your fingers in a dozen places and write "I was here" in the snow!" Tem wailed, grabbing the mic stand and bending over it, one denim clad leg on each side of the steel pole. "Call 911 and watch you bleed! Pack you in ice like a dead man's dream! Red seeping through the white! It's turned into a scarlet snow tonight!" He thrashed his head a moment before standing upright, Seijin going mad on the violin it seemed as Tem grabbed his guitar.

He danced and he sang all over the stage, going from Joe to Mirei, to the edge of the stage. He almost jumped right into the crowd, but the cord of his guitar to his amp cut him short.

Then, the song was over. He pumped his fist in the air with a joyous howl before leaving the stage with the others.

"What? No inflated ego this time?" Joe remarked. Tem just grabbed a bottle of water from someone passing by, who obviously protested, and he pored it over his head. He shook his hair like a wet dog with a grin.

"That was great! My throat hurts though... I could sure use some cocoa right about now."

"You heard him," Mirei snapped at someone. "Get this man some cocoa!"

They nodded and scurried off as they all made their way back to their dressing room.

Mirei curled up in a chair, Tem got a cool shower before Cross could beat him to the punch, and Joe was on the couch with his practice guitar and headphones on.

Sei was... well... nobody really knew where he was. They saw him backstage, he came to get his violin, then left again and hadn't been back.

Tempest eased through the door just as Tem came out in his skivies, a modest pair of boxers with lots of the Wal-mart smilies on them. He even had his glasses on, a rare sight.

"Guys, I got some bad news, and some good news..." Tempest said.

"Warner Brothers called me, and they were forced to postpone the rest of your tour."

"What!!!" Tem, Joe, Mirei, and Cross all exclaimed at once in varrying degrees of shock. Then, Cross spoke up. "What the hell for!"

"It seems there was a schedueling mistake. They put you in the same venues at the same time as Gackt.... and you know what that means..."

"Means they can go to hell is what! It's all about cash! That's what it always is. Where's my phone, I'm wiring cash from my swiss account," Tem blurted out, leaving the towel for his hair draped over his shoulder.

"No no! I still have good news!" Tempest said once Tem had finally found his phone.

"You just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico?" Cross said flatly.

"The company's giving you an all expense paid vacation anywhere you want to go. The only catch is you have to show up to at least one publicity stunt, where ever it is.... and they have to know by tomorrow morning our time. Which means it'll be night time in the states."

"The Shire!" Tem squaled happily.

Joe rolled his eyes, threw a pillow at the man, and slipped back on his headphones. "I have always wanted to see-" Mirei started.

"We're going to Lord of the Rings Land like we were going to before! I really really really have to go!" Tem said, giddy like a school girl.

"Fine fine! If you'll just shut up!" Cross growled before slipping into the shower.

Mirei heaved a great sigh. "Fine..."

Joe just smiled, nodded, and had no clue what the hell was now going on.

---

They stepped into the terminal. It was fall up in the north, and here it was just beginning to be spring. "Oh man, this is gonna be awsome!" Tem said, clinging to Joe's arm. All of them were wearing sunglasses, the old "incognito" attempt. Mirei smiled, at a passerby as she adjusted the strap of her bag.

"All our luggage should be at the hotel already except for the carry-ons... and only Mirei had anything with her," Tempest said.

"Look how short these people are," Tem said, ignoring everything else. He looked so funny in his oversized FSU sweatshirt and denim shorts that were tight on his rump, but came down to his knees in length.

Joe just shrugged, watched as a busty woman walked past in the opposite direction as himself, then yawned. Seijin and Cross kind of hung back, the only ones without people to spend the vacation with.

Mirei chewed her gum, blew a bubble, and glanced around. "This place is... roomy...." she said.

Tempest went ahead of them suddenly, talking with a man dressed in all black holding a sign readng "TV." What an odd thing to have on a sign? But then again, they had all seen far stranger.

"Okay guys! Come on, the limo's waiting."

"We actually get a limo!" Seijin chattered excitedly, almost as bad as his brother. He pushed ahead of them all and grabbed the man by the hand. "Take me to big car now!"

Cross blinked, Mirei laughed, and Tem scolded. Tempest was embarassed. And Joe just had no clue, for he had been watching Tem with one eye and pretty girls walking around with the other.

Tem was first, after his brother of course, into the limo. Immediately he had pounced on the PS2 inside. "Dude! Lookit!" he exclaimed when everyone else was inside. Joe sighed, put on some headphones he found in the armrest and shut his eyes.

Seijin was up by the window where he could peer through at the driver. Tempest sat on the very back seat, Tem sitting on the floor of the limo at his feet, Mirei to his left and Joe to his right.

Cross had opted to bypass everyone else and sit up front with the driver if only to escape the insanity for a short time.

---

They were at the hotel, and all but Tempest crashed in their suite. What part of New Zealand were they in? Why, just put Tem to a window and say "Look there Mr. Frodo, elves."

Try it, you'll see. He can pinpoint the exact location a scene in Lord of the Rings was filmed (well, only the first two since that's all that had come out so far), the lines said, who said them, which movie it came from, how long it lasted, where in the books it happened, who was there, and yes even what time of day it really was when the scene was shot. And lets not forget how many takes it took to get the scenes right...

Obsessive much?

Tempest ran around, getting things ready for them, schedueling mudbaths, massages, and anything else they might need. Eventually, Tem wandered out in a pair of plaid boxers, mismatched toe socks (one was red and orange stripes, the other was black and blue) and bed hair.

"Food," he grumbled, scratching his crotch through his boxers before stumbling sleepily to a table with six chairs around it. For a man so obsessed with poise and perfection to the detail... he obviously wasn't a morning person... a noon person... an afternoon person... or an anytime person for that matter.

Eventually, Joe stumbled out while Tem was inhaling bowl after bowl of banana ice cream (it's what he always ate for breakfast while on the road for some ungodly reason).

He plopped down at the table at the exact moment Cross emerged from his room and smiling, sat at the table, fully dressed and perky? Yes. Cross was perky... bizzare...

"Mornin to you!" he exclaimed.

Tem looked up from his fifth bowl and muttered/grumbled something no one, not even Joe could understand, before looking back at his bowl again and shoveling the light yellow ice cream into his mouth.

Joe fell face forward on the mahogony table with a loud crack, and seemed not to move.

Cross blinked, tossed his hair?... and looked at Tempest. "So! Anyone up for some paddle ball?"

Tempest, thrown off by Cross's uncharacteristic chipperness merely nodded in shock before Cross grabbed him from the table.

Once Tempest was gone from the suite, there was a loud, womanish scream before the door of Seijin's room was thrown off the hinges.

"Slut's up," Joe mumbled. Tem just growled something and pushed his empty bowl forward, at last his hunger satisfied.

Seijin came running out, still screaming. He came to a sliding stop at the table and looked around. "Who did this to me!" he shouted. Tem winced, and Joe lifted his head. There was a big red mark on his forhead. He started to say something unintelligable before Mirei burst out from her own rooms and looked around frantically. "Where is he! I'll kill him!"

She was dressed quite awkward. A very loose fitting shirt and a pants, obviously Tempest's, beneath a bath robe. Her hair was a mess and she kept pushing it out of her face. "I swear to god I'll kill the motherfucker that-" she was cut short, noticing Tem, Joe, and Seijin all staring at her.

"What!"

"That's my body!!!" Seijin suddenly screeched, launching himself at Mirei. The two wrestled on the floor as Joe and Tem gave each other a look, shrugged, and went to their room and back to bed, each one just crashing side by side.

They didn't even twitch.

---

As it turned out, and after Seijin... er... Mirei beat the snot out of Cross without damaging her own body too bad, it was discovered that Seijin had done something to switch himself with Cross. But Cross, not wanting to end up in that pervert's body, had intended to hijack Joe's, but found Joe "indisposed"... Tem likewise. So he had tried for Tempest. However, when he made his move, Mirei had gotten in the way on a trek to the bathroom.

And by the time he realized what had happened... he heard Mirei in Seijin's body screaming... and everyone knows what happened after that.

The only question was how... well, that and...

"What the hell are we gonna do! We have three hours until that charity thing and-"

Tem's shrill screech of joy broke off Cross's complaining. "What the fuck is your problem!" Cross snapped.

Tem held up a full page advertisement in the local paper. "I wanna be a movie extra!!!"

"Gimme that," Joe grumbled as he snatched the paper away. He read it over quickly. "Hell no. Anything but that!"

"Oh come on! It'll be fun! You... me... thousands of other people... blood and war all around us. It'll be romantic!" ^_^

"No. Never in a thousand years."

"You do know I can wait that long don't you baby," he said, false sweetness in his voice.

Joe crumpled up the paper and threw it at his head. "No."

"Oh come on! I wanna be an extra! Maybe we could liberate us some awsome weapons! Come on! I thought you wanted to meet Liv Tyler! This is your chance! Come on! Please!!!"

It was then that it dawned on Mirei and Cross as to what Tem was begging for... and they both shuddered as Joe at last gave in... just to shut the man up...

---

Tempest sighed. "Okay... let me get this straight... I've spent the last three hours playing strip paddle ball with Seijin?"

Joe nodded. Mirei crossed her arms over Seijin's scrawny chest. "You were what?" she said, eyes narrowed.

"...It was a dare. You know I can't resist a dare..."

"Well you'd better start learning to!" she snapped.

"Can you do me a favor hunny and stand next to your body?... This is rather confusing."

She glared at him, even as Tem came back with Seijin, pulling him by the ear. It would have been all the funnier to see if it had been Cross in his own body.

"What did you find out?" Cross asked eagerly.

"That it can't be undone for 24 hours... or more," he said.

"WHAT!" Mirei and Cross both exclaimed.

Seijin used Tem as a shield while Joe and Tempest held Mirei and Cross back, thr two having tried to lunge at him. "What the hell!" Tempest shouted.

"You better not be doing any funny stuff with my body... so help me god if I find out-" Joe clamped a hand over his mouth.

"As amusing as this is," Joe said, "We have to get this straightened out... and soon. I think Cross is starting to enjoy Mirei's body a little too much if you catch my drift."

Minutes later they were on a stage, presenting a huge check to some orphanage that did some fund raiser... and after lengthy discussion in the moments after they left the stage, they sighed and decided to stick together the rest of the day...

Which meant they ALL went with Tem and Joe to go be extras in the 'Return of the King' scene re-shoots...

---

"Do these tights make my butt look big?" Tem asked as he turned his head to look in the mirror. "Ugh... why couldn't I have been an Orc... At least they get those cool swords with the thing at the end." He reached up to adjust his blond wig.

"Hey, at least you get to look good. Me and Cross have to be toothless townspeople," Tempest complained.

"Look! It's Legolas!" Seijin shouted as the faceplate of his Orc helmet fell shut unexpecedly.dd>"Where?" Tem and Mirei (still trapped in Seijin's body and also an elf) exclaimed, looking around.

The Orc that was Joe pulled Tem back by his mithril covered arm. "Down boy. You ain't goin nowhere..."

By the time they made try to grab Mirei, she had already rushed to where the mega-star was sipping at a bottle of water. While they were trying to figure out how to get her away from him, Tem had escped and snuck off... whereupon they found him again when they went to get Mirei.

"Sorry... my little brother is a big fan of your's," he was saying as he was prying her off him with the aid of a few other elven extras. "He usually doesn't do this sort of thing." He pulled one more time.

She let go of Orlando Bloom... taking his wig and running off with it. A few of the production crew gave chase as Joe pulled Tem away... only after he had managed to rip a piece of the man's tunic off.

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god..." and Tem just kept rambling on like that for about an hour until it was time to shoot one of the re-takes on the Pelanor Fields when Joe and Seijin were called into the host of orcs and Tempest found Mirei (who was hiding behind a make-up trailer petting the wig and going "oh my god" much like Tem.)

They spent three days finishing up scenes on the Pelanor Fields.

After those were through, Seijin and Joe shed their orc armor and were cast as random men in the masses who were to bow to Aragorn and the hobbits.

Mirei and Tem were both random elves in the processession of Elrond as he was to give Arwen to the King. As they passed, Liv Tyler yelped and looked around. Joe pointed to Seijin, who was pointing to Tempest, who was pointing to some other guy.

This happened about three or four times until Tempest was told to go to the back of the crowd. Between takes, Mirei snickered and Tem would give an icy glare to Joe.

They finished the day with another scene on the Pelanor fields where Joe tripped and fell into one of the horses of the Rohirrim, knocking over the chick who was playing Eyowen, causing Domminic's midget stunt double to snicker and laugh on the ground.

Needless to say, Joe then traded places with one of the guys who gets shot by one of Legolas's arrows.

Then, it was a wrap. It was all over...

And the six of them snuck off with their costumes before they could get caught.

"Okay kiddies... it's time to get this mess over with. Come on before Cross starts mauling Tempest," Mirei said, casting Cross a stern look.

Tem and Joe retreated to the balcony... in wigs?... Those two were always up to something strange... Tempest sighed and shook his head, picking up his clipboard and writing something out.

Maybe if he could somehow go to sleep all this mess would go away and he could be spanking Mirei, the REAL Mirei...

Tem then poked his head inside and laughed at him. "You need to keep your thoughts to yourself Mr. Manager..."

Tempest turned bright red, hid his face, and went to bed as Tem shut the door and took his glass of champagne from Joe... who was chugging the bottle like water. "So, what do ya wanna do now?" he asked, leaving his glass on the rail and smiling as he put his arms around him from behind and started poking his face.

"That hot elf chick..."

"Don't make me get Mirei's ping pong paddle young man," he replied.

"Oh no.. I'm so scared. Let's go like, get drunk or somethin."

"But you just-"

"I meant outside. Away from people with higher IQs than you."

"...But Cross-"

"I meant Mirei you idiot," he said, pulling away. "Besides... I have a score to settle with that stupid hobbit."

"Which one, there were four hobbits you moron."

"The tall one."

"There is no tall one. That's why they're called hobbits you crackhead."

"I knew that..."

Needless to say, they were kicked out of New Zealand before the end of the week. Once they were out of the country, the unfortunate souls that had switched bodies (well... unfortunate except Seijin) were switched back... once Seijin presented them with a vile of very foul and very icky tasting goo. Cross's vile still had a newt's eye floating in it... whole.

---

The New Zealand trip had actually brought them closer together. The remainder of the Asian leg of the tour was uneventful, that is, if you didn't include the tattoo Mirei had drunkenly decided to put on her right butt cheek that read "I Like Tempest Flavored Cheetos" in dark green cursive letters. Of course, once she sobered up, it was already too late to do anything about it... considering the tattoo artist had already sold the juicy news about it to the press.

One Russian newspaper quoted her as saying "Well, I do like Cheetos, but never at the same time." Again, that was a bad choice of words on her part.

To help console her about the incident, Tem also received a tattoo on his left butt cheek that read "I Like Cheetos Too." However, this was not seen as funny, or of any help to anyone.

So, Tempest, being the good, sweet, loving husband he was, also got one that read "I Am Not A Cheeto."

In unrelated events, the company that makes Cheetos saw a sudden massive rise in distribution, as well as many requests for "Tempest Flavor" Cheetos.

However, the tattoo debaucle was not seen as a life altering event, unless your names are Mirei and Tempest.

Then... England happened...

"I thought you knew your way around here!" Joe shouted, smacking Seijin in the back of the head with a rolled up magazine.

"Just because I'm Brittish doesn't mean I-"

Tem smacked him from the back seat with a rolled up newspaper. "You missed the turn you jackass! Tempest's going to kill us!"

"But I-"

"We could just call him on the phone and calmly tell him what's happened. I'm sure he'll understa-"

Tem turned on Cross and smacked him too. "Are you some kind of retarded space alien! We can't call him! He'll scream at us... or worse... he'll have Mirei use Bob..."

"He's got a point. I can't risk getting my manly ass spanked by a girl," Joe said.

Seijin pulled the car over, turned off the engine, and climbed out.

He sat on the hood while the three inside were screaming at one another.

"...Did you guys notice something?"

"Yeah. You hit like a girl." Joe.